How do you become a great man? How do you become a great woman? Does being in a great position, or having great power, prestige, or wealth make you a great person? There is something more here, something honorable, noble, grand. I believe it has to do with who we are on the inside, and how we relate to those around us.

More than two and a half centuries ago, a teenage boy in Virginia set his mind to become as honorable and noble and as fine a person as he was able, by applying himself diligently to fine and noble and honorable things. Understanding that large matters rest on the painstakingly constructed foundation of small matters, George Washington, as a young farm boy, copied out and memorized 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation in his personal notebook. He was seeking to form the foundation of inward greatness by diligently shaping the small matters of outward behavior.

Here are a few of George Washington’s Rules of Civility, written out and memorized when he was a teenager and that he followed his entire life. The first one is the very essence of Civility:

“Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present.”

“Speak no evil of the absent for it is unjust.”

“Put not another bit into your mouth till the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.”

“Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.”

“Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in publick or in private, presently, or at some other time, in what terms to do it; & in reproving shew no sign of choler, but do it with all sweetness and mildness.”

Large things always rest on the multitude of small things.

Our first president, even at a young age, had ideas about greatness. He understood that greatness must involve his character in his dealings with others in the community. He took care to treat those around him with respect, to build others up rather than tear them down, even in the smallest of ways. He applied the small things and became great of heart. Later, when his community was needful of greatness, he was prepared, ready, and able.

George Washington went on to become a very great man indeed.

The origin of the word Civility is Latin, “civitas,” and means “city.” We also get the word “civilization” from this Latin root. When we are in a city, we are in community, rubbing elbows and working closely with others. The small parts of society must all work in sync to work at all—many parts, meshing and interacting smoothly. If the machine is going to go anywhere or achieve anything, all the parts must work together. Civility is successful community in action! Civility is the many teeth in the gears fitting themselves each to another, leaning against each other and so doubling the effort and ability to get things done. Herein lies strength to accomplish.

We are a society that needs the reminder, “You are not the only one!”

“Civic-minded” is Civility. And Civility takes greatness, not meanness or stinginess. Our hearts must be large enough to encompass others, all the others who dwell in community with us and those who will come after. The greater the heart, the larger the circle it encompasses. The greater the character, the more minute its considerations. The great is built upon the small. He who is careful and faithful in the small particulars is sure to be careful and faithful in the large.

Let us all strive to be as mindful of the small details of Civility as our first president was, so that our communities and country can continue to flourish.

Yours for the return of Grace, Civility, Beauty, Gentility, and Excellence, and for a meaningful and restful Independence Day celebration,

Mary Alice & The St. James Tearoom Staff